EP 001: Moving Past The “Hot Mess”
June 29, 2020 | By Ashley Brown
Always Elegant Living is all about moving past the "Hot Mess" and finally feeling like you have your *ish together. It’s about putting the control back in your home and life.
In this episode, you’ll find practical solutions and easy to implement ideas that you can take action on right now. Not tomorrow, or next Monday or next year. But right now.
I’m going to help you with the mindset and strategy so you can begin creating a life of ease and elegance. Because we all know it’s not about finding the time to do what matters most to you… but it’s about making it. And I’m here to help you do that by starting with moving past the whole "Hot Mess" mindset.
IN THIS EPISODE ASHLEY DISCUSSES:
Introduction to The Always Elegant Living Podcast
The 2 types of “Hot Mess” women
The definition of a “Hot Mess”
Why you should want to move past the “Hot Mess”
How to move past the “Hot Mess” by starting at home
How systems can eliminate the chaos
How to take action so you can start implementing systems in your home right now
LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Ashley’s Facebook group
Journal Prompts to overcome the excuses of why you’ll always be a “Hot Mess”
Reviews are everything on iTunes. Would you please take a moment and leave a review HERE.
I get it some days it feels as if you're riding the "hot mess" express and there's no end in sight. Hello, I'm Ashley Brown, mom of three little kids who used to let life's chaos get the best of me. Then I discovered that you can elevate your life, raise kids and make what matters happen all while adding a little more elegance into your everyday lifestyle.
I'm on a mission to help busy women overcome the hot mess and create an elegant life they love by starting with the essentials. Everyday life doesn't have to be so chaotic. Join me in discussions about ways to help you embrace simplicity with practical solutions and easy to implement ideas. So you can design a home and life you love. This is a source of encouragement. This is the change you've been looking for. This is the always elegant living podcast.
Hello everyone.
And welcome to the very first episode of The Always Elegant Living Podcast. I'm your host, Ashley Brown. And I'm so excited you're here listening today. Before I dive into today's episode, I wanted to take a moment and introduce myself and touch a little bit about what this podcast will be about. So once again, my name is Ashley. And at the time of this recording, I'm a 35 year old wife to my husband of almost 12 years.
I'm a mom to three little kids, two boys and a girl who are nine, seven and three. And I'm a business owner. I live a very full life. And so I get it. Balancing work and home family time and even moments for yourself can be a challenge. It can feel overwhelming and like a complete crap show pretty much most of the time, if you're not careful. But through the years, I figured out a lot of tactics and strategies that have helped me to create a life that I love that includes harmony and ease.
So that way I can show up in each category of my life and be the best person I know how to be. And I say all of this to encourage you because this lifestyle that I've created for myself is totally doable with the right systems in place. So now I help other busy women eliminate the everyday chaos in their home and their life. So they can start living a life they love full of ease and elegance.
And that's what I'm all about. Creating a life you love with ease and elegance. And that's also what the always elegant living podcast is all about. It's about helping you move past that whole "hot mess" and finally feeling like you have your "ish" together. It's about putting the control back in your home. And of course your life. At this podcast, you're going to find practical solutions and really easy to implement ideas so that you can take action right now.
I don't want you waiting and taking action tomorrow, or maybe thinking about it and doing it next Monday, or worst yet waiting until next year and making it all your new year's resolutions. Don't do that. Start taking action right now. I'm going to help you with the mindset and the strategy. So you can begin creating a life of ease. And of course elegance, because we all know it's not about finding the time to do what matters most to you, but really it's about creating the time and making it happen. And I'm here to help you do that.
So with that, let's get into today's episode, moving past the "hot mess." Whenever I bring up the words, "hot mess", there's a couple different reactions that I typically get. One of them is "O.M.G., I'm all about the hot mess express. I wake up each morning and the chaos just starts. We do this, this and this. And by the end of the day, I just hope my head is still attached to my body because you know, it's a complete crap show. I run the kids around, I do this, I have fires at work and you know, hot mess express. That is me."
So these women, in my opinion, are proudly displaying their "hot mess express" bumper stickers. And they wear their "chaos coordinator" t-shirts with pride. We all know them. We've seen them maybe in the carpool pickup or at work. And they're just this complete crap show and they are proud of it. And maybe you are one of these women. I don't know. And I'm not judging. We just want to move past that because there's so much more to life than being this whole "hot mess express."
Then there's the other type.
These women wake up each day thinking, "Today's a new day. It's a fresh start and I have a clean slate. How has the chaos already begun? I just don't understand it. I'm not even out of bed yet and I'm already playing catch up. I have those lunches to make. I have a permission slip to sign and fill out and, oh crap, I totally forgot to wash the kids jeans again. I guess I can hurry and get a load in the washer and hope they dry in time for school. Or should I just send them in what they wore yesterday and hope no one notices? Maybe I'll just get a washcloth and quickly clean it. I don't know. Why do I have to be such a hot mess all the time?"
So while these two examples apply to motherhood, I also see this with women who have high power jobs, maybe women who are newly married and are just trying to figure out how to coexist with their new partners. Sometimes it's women who have entered the workforce for the first time, or maybe it's busy moms or women who became mothers for the first time. Basically this whole "hot mess" mentality or this chaotic mentality applies to anyone who is constantly feeling as if their life is in a state of disarray.
More often than not women in the first category are either equating their busy-ness with the whole "hot mess", mom culture. And I totally just used air quotes right there that we see so much on social media and Instagram. Maybe you have some friends that are that way. Maybe you're that way. And these women kind of just assume that it's that way, or this is like their own personal badge of honor. Like great moms have sticky floors and messy hair and just can't get their "ish" together.
They never really pause long enough to think that there could be another way. So they wear that label loud and proud. And then the women in the second example or the second category, they're constantly questioning how life can be like this all the time. Like, why can't I get my "ish" together? Why can't I wake up and actually enjoy my cup of coffee before the day gets going? Why can't life just be easy? Why does it have to be so hard all the time?
So before I go any further, I really just want to pause for a moment. And I want you to ask yourself, "Which women are you? Which scenario do you identify with?" If it's neither, then that's awesome and this episode is totally awkward. But hopefully you'll still get some tips from this. But maybe you're on board the first train where it is, what it is and it's always going to be that way until your kids are off to college. And then you can start living the life you want. Then you can go back to college yourself. Maybe you can start that business that you've always been thinking of or go after that promotion at work that you know is going to take a little bit more time to get whatever it may be.
Who do you identify with? Do you identify with the second scenario where you're constantly asking yourself, why do I have to live this way? Why does life have to be so hard all the time? So real quick, I wanted to share a definition that I found on what a "hot mess" actually means. So a hot mess is used to describe a particularly disorganized person or chaotic situation.
In some uses a person described as a hot mess is attractive, but just barely keeping it together. And that definition is pulled straight from dictionary.com. Another definition is a piece that I'm citing from Marian Webber dictionary. And it says when they have some other fatal flaw that keeps them in the same hamster wheel. So I don't know about you, but I never want to be described as barely keeping it together or by having a fatal flaw that keeps me on the same hamster wheel.
Are you kidding me? Those are not associations that I want describing my life and my time on earth and my motherhood and what I am trying to accomplish. So for me, moving past this whole hot mess crap was a top priority. What about you? Are you happy identifying yourself as a hot mess? Are you okay with others describing you that way? Now I get that we all have our off days and everybody does. And I'm not talking about a day here and there. I'm talking about where you constantly feel this way. You're always running late. You're always dropping the ball no matter how hard you try. And you can just never seem to get your "ish" together, no matter how organized you feel or what's going on. It's just always a crap show, always a hot mess.
Not the days where your kids wake up sick. And you're just like, "Oh my gosh. So now I have to deal with this today." Not that, but just where you always feel like you need to get your "ish" together. So if you're ready to change and by now, I'm hope you are. And hopefully you want to. How do you actually do that? How do you actually move past the hot mess?
Well, the first thing you need to do, and sometimes this sounds so overly simplified, but it's the truth is you just have to decide. You have to decide that you are done with this. You have to decide you are done with your home being in a constant state of chaos. You're done being late to everything and you are done showing up as this "hot mess" woman who just can not get your "ish" together. And that's it. That's the first step you need to decide. Decide that I am done with this. My life means so much more and I am not present for that. I'm not available to be this person anymore.
So the next thing you need to do is you need to believe it's possible to change. You have to believe that this whole "hot mess", is just a thing. It's just something that someone said one time and somehow you're clinging to it, but it's totally possible to change. You can live a life of elegance and ease. I know because I've changed myself about four years ago and I've never gone back. And it's been the greatest thing ever. You can change.
I don't mean that you need to change into this totally crazy person like Monica from Friends, but you can change. You can make life easier. You can make it so that you're not late to everything and that you have your "ish" together. Even though sometimes things come up and maybe there's an emergency you need to deal with here and there. But for the most part, you've got it together. You are the person that's on time. You're showing up as your best self and all of that. But you have to believe it's possible.
And if you need help, believing that it's possible and you keep getting these roadblocks that are coming up, then you need to journal through those thoughts. I've got you covered with this, just visit the show notes at alwayselegantliving.com/shownotes/001. I've put together a list of journal prompts that you can work through to get through these mindset blocks.
So after you have decided that you're going to move past the hot mess and you fully and truly believe that it's possible to change. The next thing you're going to want to do is take out a blank piece of paper and a pen, not a pencil, but a blank piece of paper and a pen and you are going to write down all the ways that you can make your home easier.
Just start with your home right now, because usually if your whole life feels like a crap show, it starts at home. So let's just focus on the home right now. So write down all the ways that you can make your home easier. Ways that you can make your home feel lighter, that you can feel a little more put together in your home and just really think through what areas are you struggling with in your home.
For most people it's typically they're always behind on the dishes or the laundry. They have clutter everywhere and they can't even get a clear space to cook dinner. Maybe it's getting dinner on the table. I don't know what it is, but write down every single thing that is coming to mind that could make your home life easier.
And then just kind of sit on it. Maybe go take a shower. That's what I always do. Just kind of process through somethings as you take a shower and just let it be. Then come back to that list and just kind of look through it and write down anything else that may have come to mind. And if your list is like three pages, that's okay. That means that you're identifying a lot of areas that can change. And if your list only has two or three things on it, then that's really easy to know where to start. So after you have your list, look at it. Look at it for everything that it is. These are just words on the paper. These are just things that are coming in your way, and they're making it hard for you to move past this hot mess.
And if you're looking at the things on your list, and they should all be about your home. Remember you're focusing on your home first because it's hard to do your home and your life at the same time. So let's just focus on your home. Things like dishes and laundry and clutter and trash and chaos and the loudness in your home. Maybe you just need your home to be quieter. So you can like actually think and breathe, whatever it may be, keep it on that list and look through it.
Now circle or highlight, I prefer highlighting. It really catches what I need to do, but circle or highlight two to three main pain points. So these are the areas that if you could just get this together, it would have the greatest impact on your life. Like I said earlier, for most it's typically the dishes or the laundry, or maybe it's the toy clutter. Whatever it may be circle or highlight those two to three main points.
And those are going to be the ones that are your areas of focus. Or as I like to call them your "high impact activities." So what that really means is these are the things that you're going to focus on and you're going to get the biggest bang for your time investment. This is where you're going to put your time and energy. And these areas are the things that you need to create systems around so that you can begin to work on autopilot.
And I know that sounds crazy, like being able to have the dishes on autopilot or the laundry on autopilot, but it's completely doable. And I know because I never thought that that could happen in my life and now it just happens and we never have a dish problem. We always have clean dishes and we always have clean laundry.
In fact, my husband came home the other night and said, "Are these the same basketball shorts I wore yesterday?"
I said, "yeah."
He said, "They're already done?"
I said "Yes! Your clothes are always ready to go."
So things like that. That's what I mean by autopilot. I don't mean that somebody else is automatically doing them for you, unless that's what you want. And you delegate that, but that's up to you.
Okay. So once you've made your list and you've highlighted or circled your two to three main points, and now, you know what your high impact activities are, you need to create the solution. And the solution to chaos in homes is systems. So having a system in place throughout your home is essential to moving past the hot mess.
If you need help creating systems, or maybe you've tried a bunch of different systems and nothing has worked, then I've got something just for you. It's a free guide. You can download it and it'll help you eliminate the everyday chaos with these seven essential home systems that every busy woman needs. And once again, I'm giving it to you for free.
In that guide, I'm going to walk you through each system and how to set it up around your life. So that way it actually works. Because that's a lot of the problem is systems that you kind of find on Pinterest and stuff, it's just somebody that said something once, and then you're trying to follow it. But it doesn't actually work around your life. So you have to figure out how to make the system that works around your life, and I'm gonna help you do that. So make sure to download it after the show, by going to www.alwayselegantliving.com/shownotes/001.
Okay. So now you know what you need to do to help you move past the hot mess. I know it sounds very elementary and very simplistic, but this is how you do it. It is this easy.
You have to decide, you have to commit. You have to believe that it's possible. Then all you need to do is just figure out what's standing in your way in your home each and every day and create systems around that. So like I said, if you need help, make sure to visit the show notes and I have some free stuff for you on there.
Now it's time for you to take action. This is the hardest part for most people. You have to work through each of these steps and start moving past this hot mess, because let me just say that being on the other side is so much more easier and life-giving.
Because I have worked through this stuff and created systems in my home and in turn my life, I'm such a better wife. A better mom, a better business owner, and definitely a better person.
Now my life doesn't revolve around the day to day chaos. And it's amazing. And it allows me to do so many other things. So if you're ready to move past the hot mess, take action.
Thank you so much for listening.
And I'm always cheering for you.
The episode is over and now it's time for you to take action.
What can you do today that will help you create who you want to be? Little by little progress adds up and in turn makes a big impact.
If you'd like to continue the discussion head on over to facebook.com/groups/alwayselegantliving.
If you loved listening to this episode, as much as I love sharing it, then please leave a review on iTunes. And if you're ready to take action and dive deeper into the topics that I discussed on the podcast, visit the courses.
You have the power to create who you were made to be. You can move past the chaos and start living a life you love with ease. And remember, I'll be there cheering you on.
Until next time. I'm Ashley Brown.
